Last week, the ol’ TV played plenty of lame movies that I have seen hundreds of times, yet still took the time to watch them again. One of these movies was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
This movie sure is a classic, right? And Grandpa Joe sure is a classic jerk, right? RIGHT.
I never really noticed it when I was young, but I am noticing it now.
Grandpa Joe is a major selfish a-hole.
According to this movie, it’s standard for grandparents to become completely useless and lie in a bed for years and years while their broke daughter works late at night, changes their bedpans, feeds them watered down soup and tries to raise a young son who does a paper route to bring in extra money. Sure, it’s a movie. I get that crap.
Grandpa Joe, however, doesn’t seem to care about the struggles going on around him. He still requires tobacco and obviously some mustache trims now and then.
Seriously, who trims that mustache?
Then Willy Wonka announces his golden ticket contest. Grandpa Joe has always wanted to go inside that factory and eat a bunch of chocolate. He’s tired of complaining to his poverty-stricken daughter about that watery soup crap she always serves him and the other oldies, and he wants some CHOCOLATE!
So what does he do? He gets Charlie’s hopes up about winning the golden ticket. He even somehow manages to secretly purchase a chocolate bar for Charlie. How did he get that chocolate bar?
After some depressing time, Charlie finally gets a golden ticket. Grandpa Joe is excited! He GETS OUT OF BED. and DANCES. And sings, “I got a golden ticket!”
Oh, how convenient, Grandpa Joe. You can’t get out of bed to use the bathroom or get a job, but you can suddenly dance? How very opportunistic of you.
He then goes on to show his jerkiness by signing the contract outside of the Wonka factory before reading it and exclaiming to Charlie, “We got nothing to lose!” Which really means, “I’m about to die, and I’m obviously not leaving your mom any money…so who cares what I do?”
He also teaches Charlie fantastic core values, like stealing and talking crap on everyone’s parenting skills. Like, what’s up with Veruca Salt’s father? What a weirdo. He should be lying in bed making his daughter struggle to keep up with the house payments and keep food on the table.
Despite being surrounded by lazy grandparents, we see Charlie has a good heart and still passes Willy Wonka’s test and wins the factory.
And Grandpa Joe’s response to this news…
“What about me?”
If I could change the ending, I would have it end with Charlie and Willy Wonka looking at Grandpa Joe after that question and laughing maniacally.
Then pushing him out of the magical elevator.